April 29, 2016


Dirty dishes strip club
I dream of diaper genie
Mount Dirty Dishes
Bathtub Toy store

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April 28, 2016

Go Dean Haspiel!


Hey Turd (part 2)

Billy: 😮 Hey Turd!
Turd: 😠 Don't call me Turd, fucker!
Billy: 😕 Okay, relax.
Turd: 😤 Ok then
Billy: 😃 Okay Turd!
Turd: 😭

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Hey Turd

(Billy and Turd) 
:) - Hey Turd
:( - Hey
:) - Watcha doin'?
:( - Nothin 
(Enter Joe) 
:| - 'sup douches? 
:) - 'sup Joe?
:( - Hey Joe
:| - Tuuuuurd!!!

April 27, 2016

Jim Thompson: The Killer Inside Me

I'm putting this here so I don't forget about it.


Trash Girl

April 26, 2016

Trump fans demand to know what collusion means and why Cruz/Kasich are doing it to their guy

7 ways to convince people you're in shape.

1. Steer as many conversations as possible back to a jumping jacks metaphor.  
2. Give new Ironman movie a poor review because you thought it was about running. 
3. Eat tuna straight from the can, preferably with pocket knife.
4. Numerical bumper stickers with decimal points 
5. Proclaim you could do 1,000 push ups, but don't want to right now. 
6. Memorize the protein content of several different types of beans. 
7. Dress for work as if your cubicle is at the summit of Everest. 

More Unanswered questions

Did the C.I.A. train an eagle to shoot JFK then fly away? 

Can chimpanzees see all the colored panels on a beach ball? 

Is the popular film Edward Scissorhands loosely based on the life of Henry Kissinger? 

Did Gandhi have the normal amount of toes?

The question keeps coming up of whether or not Mahatma Gandhi had the normal number of toes on each foot. Science has concluded that the average adult male has no more and no less than 5 toes on each foot. The attached photo, I believe, puts to rest any suggestion that Gandhi had anything but the normal number of toes. Of course, the level of public discourse on the internet these days will likely not allow this clear evidence to silence all doubters. I can only hope that I’ve done my part to dissuade those who would besmirch the character of perhaps the 20th century’s most revered purveyor of peace.

Did Emperor Hirohito Ever See The Band Boston In Concert?

Answer: Possible, but not likely. (2% probability)

World War 2 Leaders Lifespan vs. War Span

Key observations:

·       Hitler had the shortest life of all

·       Both Asian leaders lived to be 88

·       Churchill was the oldest when the war started (65)

·       Hirohito was the youngest when the war started (38)

·       Hirohito lived nearly to 1990, so he would have been able to play video games and watch MTV.

·       Hitler, Roosevelt and Mussolini did not survive the war


Lifespan of the Impressionists vs. American Civil War Span

It's interesting that while Americans were killing each other by the thousands, these French painters were mostly in their early 20s and painting landscapes, ballet dancers and the like. Imagine the social media implications if this happened today.

Tennessee just holding large pot farm for friend Arkansas

April 25, 2016

Hands for Reference

Make Your Own Sketchbook

World's 2nd best assassin waiting by the phone

Dozens of novels and television dramas begin with the world's top assassin being hired for the job du jour. Meanwhile,  the world's 2nd most dangerous assassin sits by his telephone eating potato chips and binge watching Netflix. 

moleskine recreates game of thrones opening sequence with 7600 paper cutouts

moleskine recreates game of thrones opening sequence with 7600 paper cutouts

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Links to Comics

Poorly Drawn Lines
Cyanide and Happiness
Pie Comic

How Long Animals Live


April 12, 2016

Fish Hooks

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Anatomy of a Rose Garden


NATO Member Countries


Shakespeare Tragedies


Shakespeare Histories


Shakespeare Comedies


Electrical Outlet Anatomy

My beautiful wife April got me this set of Field Notes notebooks (http://fieldnotesbrand.com/colors/workshop/) for Christmas. One book is supposed to be used for electrical stuff. So, here’s my first drawing in that notebook. I have a very OCD dream of one day having completed this entire set with similar diagrams and such. We’ll see how that goes. Consider this the first brick in the wall.



April 1, 2016

April Fool's

There are a few webcomics I try and read every day. First, I went to Poorly Drawn Lines (http://pdlcomics.tumblr.com/). Then I went to Pie Comic (http://piecomic.tumblr.com/) and found the same comic. Finally, Cyanide and Happiness (http://explosm.net/) followed in kind. So, I've added my contribution. I can only hope to get the kind of readership those guys enjoy. I guess first I need to provide the same quality content. Well, I'm working on it. : )

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A couple 'o superhero bits

March 11, 2016

Local Alcoholic Misunderstood Phrase "Releasing Some Browns"

Johnny Manziel has been released from the Cleveland Browns. But the news was clumsily received by at least one alcoholic sitting at the Sports Pub Grill on Mason Street. "Some guys were talking about releasing some Browns and I thought they were talking about taking a wicked shit or something," local alcoholic Mark Jennings said from his seat at the bar. Jennings laughed at his own joke for several seconds, then became overcome by a coughing fit and had to have his back patted by that elderly waitress who is related to the owner in some way. Seated nearby and witnessing the entire goings on, Russell Audrey added "That lady is so freaking old. You ask her to bring you some extra ketchup and it takes her a million years to come back and shit. Someone should just put her in a home, but I heard she's related to the owner so fuck it, I guess."

Ford Employee Wants To Know Who Is Driving That Chevy

Longtime Ford assembly plant worker Raymond Wainwright wants to know who is driving that blue Chevy in the employee parking lot. He's not going to do anything to it right now. But if it's still there after lunch, that shit is at least getting keyed.
Asked about the four door Chevy Malibu, front desk security guard Janet Mix had no idea who drove it to work today, but offered to ask around if anyone else saw. "I got here at 7:00 this morning, but I don't keep an eye on the security cameras every moment of the day," Mix explained. "I mean, the phone rings every couple of minutes and I can't do everything, so I don't know what you expect me to do. I'll be happy to make an announcement over the intercom once someone figures out what I should say."
A group of three employees who entered while Wainwright was ranting and raving, clustered around the time clock, not sure whether to go ahead and clock in or wait to see if some wicked shit was about to break out. "If that old dude blows a gasket, I want to be here to see it," IT analyst Meredith Carlson said. Asked about Wainwright's mental stability, one man described him as a "crusty old fucker who bitches about stuff all the time, like who keeps messing up the industry magazines in the visitor's waiting area". Other employees discounted the man's characterization of Wainwright, stating that he hasn't worked there for very long, so what the fuck does he know about anything.

Abigail Sabine Named To Post as Apple CEO Tim Cook's Phone Charging Team

Recent Princeton University graduate and Apple intern Abigail Sabine has been named to the team responsible for making sure CEO Tim Cook's iPhone never runs out of battery power. Known simply as The Charging Team, the group of 5 high-energy employees are tasked with following the CEO to meetings where he often holds up his phone to show attendees that his phone is well above 65% battery power.
"You never know when he's gonna do something like that," said long-time team member Praveen Singh. "Sometimes he does it just to make sure we're paying attention. Kind of like a drill or something."
Documents gathered as a result of a Freedom of Information request revealed that the last time Cook's iPhone was below 50% battery life was in October 2013 when charging team members became so engrossed in a platter of fried crab claws left over from a productivity update meeting that they lost all track of time. "Rest assured, we all learned our lesson that day," admitted a team member on condition of anonymity.

Office Dweller Scuffing New Safety Shoes to Appear Engaged

Ross Embry from the quality department has not been to the warehouse floor in months, but he noticed this morning in the stand-up Operations meeting that his safety shoes were decidedly unblemished when compared to others in his department. Matt Permatim, that new hotshot intern from Columbia University was wearing leather slip-ons that looked like they'd been extracted from the belly of an autopsied great white. So, Ross took matters into his own hands. After borrowing an emery board from his cubicle farm neighbor Jessie Plop, Embry set about filing the toes of his pristine shoes until they sent a message that he is a fully engaged member of the team, who is willing to hit the shop floor at a moment's notice. However, nothing could be further from the truth, as he is quite content to remain at his desk checking Facebook while his colleagues work on those pesky performance measurements. Embry closed out his short-lived over reaction by putting several Dickies clothing items into an Amazon cart then promptly closing the browser without saving his changes.

Middle-Aged Guy Waiting for Browser to Catch Up

A middle aged guy has given up trying to find the "next page" arrow in a click bait slideshow. He thought he'd just go in there and see what all the fuss was about, and now he's just sitting there at his desk waiting for his browser to process a flurry of hopeless clicks. In his haste to move to the next slide, he has answered three online surveys, opened 7 new windows and downloaded a new search bar that he could describe to you if only he could read Russian.

This Coffee's Not Helping Me Calm Down One Bit

The coffee I've been drinking this morning is doing almost nothing to keep me from launching into a profanity-laced rant about this asshole in my office. He's a real piece of shit too, let me tell you. I mean, the kind of piece of shit you'd like to hit in the face as hard as you can swing. Not that I condone violence, mind you, but he's a real ball sack sandwich of a mother fucker, this guy. I'm not an angry guy most of the time, but the way this guy declined my meeting invite and told me I needed to move the meeting to a time after 2 so some jerk on his staff could also attend, it just set me off. And there I was sitting at my desk getting all worked up into a lather over this ass hat, who, if I had my way, would just crawl into a ditch and die like the pile of human excrement that he is. Man, this coffee really is good though. I need to write down the name of this shit because right now I feel like I could kick Godzilla's ass.

I Don't Remember The Name Of The Guy Walking Toward Me

Dateline - A Hallway in an Office in Columbus, MS: There's a guy walking toward me in the office. I'm pretty sure he knows my name, but I'll be damned if I know his. I used to work with him a lot, but it's been a while and my memory is nearly all shit now with the kids and all. So, when he says hello to me by name, I'm going to have to think of something quick to say back that doesn't let on that I have no freaking idea what his name is? And I'm not about to say the wrong name like that time that chick returned to the company after being gone for four years. I'm convinced she still hates me because of that faux pas. Anyway, this guy is getting closer now and it's decision time. At this point, there's pretty much nothing I can do about it, except to hope that I can get by with a "how ya doing" or "how's it going". I got myself into this and I suppose it's up to me to find a way out.

March 9, 2016

Self-Ubering Driver Threatens Fabric of the Universe

Little Rock, AR
Little Rock millennial Mason Phlump became an approved Uber driver in January of 2016, and quickly began earning extra cash in his 2010 Toyota Prius. On February 17th, after dropping acid in an Arby's parking lot, Phlump Uber'd himself just to see what would happen. "I was tripping balls, no question," Phlump admitted. "But, you know, YOLO. So, I was completely unprepared for what happened next...I must have screwed up something in the space-time continuum because a long rip appeared in mid air about 10 inches from my face. At first I thought it was part of the wicked trip I was having, but then I kept dropping things into it, like my sneak-a-toke pipe and a dog-eared copy of Pygmalion." Several calls were made to the Physics department of a nearby university, but no response has been received. Meanwhile, Phlump was last seen crouching behind a dumpster and speaking Klingon to a stray cat.

March 8, 2016

Study Shows Mississippi Memaws Prefer Hickory Switches

Kosciusko, MS - A scientific study performed over 10 years and including dozens of interviews with memaws, mamaws and nannies shows they prefer using switches from Hickory trees when administering whippings to young grandchildren. The results seem to counter conventional wisdom that grandmothers (colloquially referred to by many names including memaw, mamaw, nannie, etc.) will whip an unruly toddler with anything at hand, be it a dirty house shoe, fly swatter or wooden spoon. Agnes McAvoy (known simply as Nannie to her 13 grandchildren) said "I've been using hickory switches for a coon's age and I don't intend to stop, as long as these young 'uns keep acting up." McAvoy was interviewed while pointing an electric box fan toward a quilt laid out on an uneven wooden floor in preparation for nap time. Several young children wearing only disposable diapers were seen nearby tearing pages out of a 1976 set of encyclopedias.

March 7, 2016

Midtown apartment undergoes hipster replacement surgery

A second floor apartment at the corner of Madison Avenue and McLean in midtown Memphis has successfully undergone hipster replacement surgery. The procedure, which took nearly 11 hours, began early Saturday with the removal of dozens of vinyl records, two boxes of 8-track tapes and a partially refurbished 1953 Schwinn bicycle. Neighbors reported seeing the new occupant wheeling in a large metal case which they could only assume contained  bottles of beard oil and a cobbler's bench.

News on the 2s

February 22, 2016

Sent via the Samsung GALAXY S® 5, an AT&T 4G LTE smartphone

Sent via the Samsung GALAXY S® 5, an AT&T 4G LTE smartphone

Sent via the Samsung GALAXY S® 5, an AT&T 4G LTE smartphone

Sent via the Samsung GALAXY S® 5, an AT&T 4G LTE smartphone

Peter Pumpernickel